Have you tried standing on a chair or on higher ground and pulling your friend up to your level? Is it easier to pull your friend up or for your friend to pull you down?
That’s what happens when 2 people with different beliefs come together. As a Christian, our values, principles and worldviews are different from that of the world’s. We are like the person standing on the chair and the friend below is “the world”. It’s easier to fall into the world’s values than to remain on the chair in God’s values.
Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 6:13-15, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?”
A yoke is the piece of heavy wood that is placed across 2 oxen and is attached to the plough. If instead of 2 oxen we used 1 ox and 1 donkey, the yoke will not be secure because the animals are different. Likewise for us as Christians. We cannot be with a non-believer because we are different from them in terms of our values, principles and worldviews.
Therefore, the answer is “NO, Christians are not to date a non-believer.”
“But, I’m already dating a non-believer? How?”
This is probably the most difficult question to answer. I can only tell you to pray and ask God to show you what to do and how to do it. Get a mature Christian, someone whom you trust, from church or Christian group you’re in, and share this struggle with him/her.
1 comment
Comments feed for this article
July 5, 2009 at 1:55 am
oneoftheflock
hi oneoftheflock,
Thank you for being honest and open to share your struggle. I do agree with you that your non-believer (friend) will and can one day come to the same realization that Jesus died for their sins and also that some non-believers do believe that Jesus did die for their sins. The question is do they then after knowing and believing in Jesus Christ want to follow Christ and obey Christ. It is one thing to say you believe in Christ, but not want to obey Christ. That is just paying lip service or having an unrepentant heart even after knowing and believing in Christ. James warns in James 1:22 which says, ‘Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.’ If your unbelieving friend believes but does not follow Christ, maybe you can point them towards this.
On the other hand, I want to warn against what is commonly known as ‘evangelistic dating’, which means to use dating as a means to evangelize. Many point out that they can use dating as a form of showing Christ love, or that in the midst of their dating, point the other half to Christ. While this seems like a plausible and workable idea, the question is ‘Does it always work?’ and ‘What happens if the other half does not want to receive Christ?’
The answer to the first question, “Does dating evangelism always work?”, is sadly and realistically no. The fact is that there are too many factors contributing to whether one wants to receiving Christ and following Him fully, however the main reason would be that of an unrepentant heart, meaning the person refuses to accept Christ. Unless the Holy Spirit touches the person heart, and unveil his eyes to Him, very often, a person will remain unrepentant even if he/she has been shown many times God’s love, even in a dating relationship. The complication is also that in the midst of a dating relationship, both will be emotionally attached and if all things doesn’t go well, it is difficult to detach.
The answer to the second question, “What happens if the other half does not want to receive Christ?”, is either you will slowly compromise on following Christ or you will feel intense oppression whenever you want to do something for God. There will much pain when eventually you cannot compromise anymore and need to break up, so why start in the first place? So what can you do now?
I think what you can do now is to wait and continue to pray for your friend that God will open his eyes to Him. If he is really the one you like, what’s wrong with waiting just a few months or even years?
Secondly, if you are already in the relationship, I want to ask if you are already compromising on God’s standards already. If you are, I would ask you to prayerfully ask you to consider not being in this relationship. I know it is going to be difficult and not easy, but if your desire is to please God and make God the throne of your life, this is something you have to consider.
Hope this helps!
I am grappling wiht this same issue I know what God would have me do but I have hope that my non believer can someday come to the same realization some non believers do that Jesus DID die for our sins.